Waking up in One-derland

I weighed 206 pounds when I seriously started thinking about what it was going to be like to be in the 100's.... I can't remember exactly when I crept in to the 200's but I know it was well over 3 years ago.

It's funny because I was looking through some old pictures the other day and I remembered when I took them... I was thinking, so I am fat and I am just always going to be this big, and that's ok with me. It's who I am, THOSE WORDS LITERALLY WENT THROUGH MY MIND. I thought THIS IS WHO I AM. {{{HOLD THE PHONE}}} WHY???? WHY DID I THINK THAT!!??? Ugh, my self worth was soooo warped....

I remember thinking that my fiance {at the time} loved me no matter what, so why did it really matter if I was always a little overweight. I realize now that I was totally underplaying my weight and not seeing myself clearly. I felt like I wasn't THAT big. But I was nearly 125 pounds over weight

{ONE HUNDERED & TWENTY-FIVE POUNDS}

That is a ton. That is like a whole person. That is waaaay too much. That is NOT who I was meant to be. NO. NEVER. NUNCA. My goal weight in 2012 is a healthy and ideal weight of

=) {125} =)

So when I stepped on the scale the other day and saw this......

I know it's blurry sorry.... but can you tell that says 195.6!!!???? Cause I sure as hell can!

I was a little more than elated. I started this journey weighing 245, but I am SURE that I weighed more at one point and just didn't really keep track of it, because I had already started losing weight when I actually started weighing myself. So that means just starting at 245, I have lost a total of 50 pounds.

{(50 POUNDS)}

What a way to ring in the New Year HUH!!??? It deserves some celebrating in my book.

SO... that being said, my ONLY New Year's R.E.S.O.L.U.T.I.O.N. for 2012 is that I vow to myself that  I will NEVER again weigh over 200 pounds.  I am not going to make a resolution to reach 125, because it very well may not happen this year... this road to losing weight is SO much more difficult that I ever could have imagined and it might take me a year...or two.... but I WILL get down to my ideal weight, but I'm doing it, ONE. STEP. AT. A. TIME.

That's all I can promise myself, is that I will make it one day, and I will never ever settle again, and tell myself that this is how it will always be, I won't accept mediocre. I am going to be the best version of myself one day, and even then there will always be room for improvement. Happy 2012 everyone! It's gonna be a great year!




<3 Victoria