The New Me :)

I can't believe that I have only written three blogs in half of a year!! That couldn't even start to explain my life... I am about to be 22 years old and I am just now experiencing life on my own as an adult. I really love it. I was reading all of my old blogs, even ones from just a year ago, and was so sad for that girl writing them. I have changed... I don't regret anything, but looking back I can see how broken I still was, even while I was with Taylor. I was getting better, I was repairing my soul over the last two years and even though I know I still have a lot to learn, I feel so amazing about myself now.

I wake up alone, have breakfast alone, go to work alone, go to rehearsal alone, drive in my car alone, get home alone, go to be alone, it's nuts. I have never gotten to do this in my life and it's so great. I don't have to talk when I don't want to, I don't have to deal with fighting or arguing over dirty clothes or dishes, I am so content! Now don't get me wrong, I am not alone all the time, lol. I have met some friends at my apartment complex that I can hang by the pool with or go out to a bar and have some drinks. I have lots of amazing friends in Titanic that I get to see almost everyday! I am just so happy that I don't have to be accountable to anyone in anyway.

It's funny because reading my old blogs, I saw how deperate I was for people to accept me, for people to forgive me, for people to show me some sort of validation... and now I don't need that from anyone! My attitude is, "I know who I am, I know why I do what I do, if you don't like it you don't have to deal with it, there is the door! :)" I am not trying to be a bitch or anything, but really, I am sooooo tired of trying to please everyone and worrying about what they think all of the time.

And now, boys are the last thing on my mind at the moment, and yet my new attitude seems to attract them by flocks! I was out at the bar last night playing pool, my friends were outside smoking and I had a guy ask me to play a game, so we did. I was laughing, cracking jokes, getting on to him for missing shots, just being my plain fun-loving self. He wanted to buy me a drink, I told him no thanks. (I feel bad taking drinks from guys who I have no interest in) He was like, "you are so fun I would really like to take you out sometime" and I told him I am just not looking for anything like that at the moment, he said that we could just be friends then, and I was like sure, lol. At the end of the night he was told me "A guy just doesn't meet such a laid back and down to earth girl everyday, I really wish you were looking to date someone" It was sweet and really flattering.

Anyway, life right now is like an open book and each day I get to write a new page, each week a new chapter forms, and it's so interesting and amazing and nothing like I ever dreamed it would be. I hope I contnue growing, learning, and becoming the best new me possible :)