Who I Was

I was reading a few of my old blogs from when I first met Taylor today. It's funny because I was SO sure that his and my relationship was 100% different than Craig and I's had been.... it wasn't. It was just as unhealthy, even without the cheating and constant fighting that Craig and I went through, it was just as draining. Looking back I am so sad for that girl... That girl I was, who needed a man's approval so much that she was willing to give up who she was and become who they needed her to be. From the very beginning, I jumped into his world, everything I wrote about was about him, all of a sudden the posts about my life, my friends, my shows, all stopped and everything I wrote about revolved around how happy I was to have HIM. It sickens me reading those things... I have changed. I will never again let any man come in between me and what I want for myself. If who I am doesn't work for them, if they can't be a part of my life because they want to be my WHOLE life, I would have no problem saying "SEE YOU LATER"!!! I don't need anyone's approval anymore, I don't need a boyfriend texting me telling me how beautiful I am and how much they miss me... Those are nice things to have, of course, but trading that for who you are?? That doesn't seem like a good deal to me. I am excited to think about the prospect of dating a mentally HEALTHY man, who already has his own life and doesn't try and use me to feel secure about himself, use me to make him whole.Thinking about how I rushed in to things with Taylor, how I moved my life in Austin to a life 3 hours away in Dallas, how I let him destroy memories from my life before him that, now, I can never get back, how I wondered after a few months why I still felt empty inside, looking back at all of these things I can't believe I thought that I was in a healthy relationship. I am so happy to finally be living my own life, making good decisions for myself, moving forward in such a positive way, having my own private space, and learning how to face my fears and things in life that have held me down. It's funny because just 6 or 7 months ago I posted a "letter to me" video talking to my 14 year old self, and now I almost think I could post another one talking to my 21 year old self!! It's amazing to me how much one person can learn in such a short amount of time. Anyway, this is getting longer than I planned for, just something that was on my mind today. I am happy, I am healthy, I am moving forward, and that's just about the most wonderful gift I could have ever asked for :)

<3 Victoria