The Fire in Me

From the time I was a very little girl I have loved to be in front of people. I've loved having opportunities to entertain and to capture the hearts of those that loved me. Growing up I didn't have many chances to really pursue that passion for entertainment. I would sing in little competitions, act in little school plays here and there, but by the time I was in high school I was more focused on deciding what profession would pay me the most money so I could live a stable, normal life.


After high school I was focused on finding the "right" man to make me feel complete, so I could get married young and prove to my parents that you could stay with one person all your life, have kids, grow old together the whole shebang. I was never focused on what really made ME happy. I was always focused on what made the people around me happy, or in my parents case, unhappy. I was busy trying to prove them wrong. Once I finally picked up acting again in college, for the first time I realized that I LOVED something that made ME happy. I realized that I was totally willing to miss out on date nights with my fiance to trade them in for rehearsals and performances. I finally at 22 years old started becoming selfish for the right reasons.


A fire was lit inside me today. A fire that I will spend the rest of my life fighting to keep lit.

Today I met Lou Diamond Phillips. My awesome acting teacher/professionally well-known director, Lisa Devine is directing a read through of a play that Lou wrote and he came today to speak to our acting class about what it takes to make it in his industry. I was so impressed by everything he had to say, from the moment that he walked in the room I was sucked in and at the edge of my seat listening to him talk about his experiences. He was so comfortable in front of our small group of 20 and he came across so laid back and willing to answer any questions we had.

As I listened to his stories and mentally locked away each piece of advice that he gave I realized that every word he was saying was something I wanted to be able to say one day about my life. Above anything else his passion for what he does and the drive he has to do what he loves was overwhelming. I realized in that hour that I had never fully committed myself to anything in life, and that if I have a passion for this, I have to commit 200%. I cried three different times during his talk, and something in my head came on like a light bulb. I WANT THIS. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything in my whole life and I am going to go for it with everything I have. Because even if I don't succeed I will not be able to be happy 20 years down the road knowing that I never REALLY gave it my ALL.

I am so scared, I am scared of not succeeding, I am scared because I have no idea where this life is going to take me, but that's the point! It's not suppose to be all planned out, and I know that no matter where I end up it will be amazing, because it was my path and I chased my dreams as far as I could. I know that I will be someone someday and my goals will change a little along the way. For now, I am shooting for the stars and dreaming big, and I know that I will definitely have Lou Diamond Phillips to thank one day for giving me the match that lit this fire in me.